My marriage chronicles – 3 Months

That day, was as normal as any other day, or so I thought. Of-course I have heard about mood swings, and have experienced them myself, and have tolerated others’. But wives, are a different human species all-together. And I have learnt that after 3 months into my first marriage. Although, I had been warned about them before, the first hand experience always teaches you a lesson for life.

We were just having a casual talk. And slowly, the track was shifting towards scathing personal comments. Which, most of the time, I didn’t mind. This wasn’t that bad, but I took offence, and thought it would be funny to reply back and make an equally scathing PERSONAL comment.

We were in the lift, going back home after a little shopping.

She: You should exercise more.
Me: I already do that. 5 days a week, and that’s sufficient I think.
She: You are becoming an “Aloo (Potato)”.

That was it. That was a poke at the wrong place and time. I have good reflexes, and so without even thinking I blurted out.

Me: You have become a ladies finger.
That’s a nice comment with an atom bomb in disguise I thought.
She: Haha, I know. I have been losing weight all these days, and have become slim now.
Me: (With a grin and a triumpant smile) Ummm.. Have you seen them in a shop? They are always broken from everywhere. 

She: Grrrrr…. Wait…
She snatched the keys from my hand, opened the door and shut it on my face. And said:

“Go away. I am not allowing you into the house anymore.”

Me: It’s our house, don’t you remember?
Trying all I could to pacify her.

She: I gave the rent for this month. So, I have all the rights to throw you out.

I thought, she would calm down in a few minutes, so I went out and walked a bit. I was not really sure if she was serious or just joking with me. I was in a state of confusion. So, I updated my facebook status.

“Wife threw me out of the house. Wandering on the streets.”

I never thought, this post on facebook would be my most popular post of 2014 within just a few minutes.

After a few rounds of the city, I came back and knocked at my own door, with a plan to somehow find a roof over my head. The temperature outside was 30 degrees, and I had no idea what was the inside temperature. But, at-least I wouldn’t get a tan inside.

Knocked 10 times. No response. The only response, I got from her, was on Facebook. And that was:
“You deserve it”. 

And that comment of hers, beat the popularity of my post hands down.

Anyway, I told her, “I am thirsty“.

The door finally opened, and I saw her hand pushing a water bottle through the small gap. I tried to catch her hand, but she dropped the bottle, and shut the door.

I kept knocking, and knocking. The neighbors saw me walking back and forth in-front of my own house. They seemed confused. Thank God, I don’t yet have them on my friends list on Facebook.

After a few more minutes, she opened the door. I was alert, looking for a chance to run inside.

She: If you want to come in, make me feel special, praise me, and only then you get to enter the house.

Arrrghhhh!!! Not again…..

Me: You are my butter scotch, gulaab jamoon….
(All the sweet dishes that I could remember, although, the only thing I was thinking about was “Karela – Bitter Gourd”)

And then, Voila….. I was given a safe passage.

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