Cooking Diaries: The disaster

Weekends are generally my turn to surprise my wife and daughter. Today, this is what I made. Khaman Dhokla. Here’s a picture of what was expected and what the outcome was. It spoiled my years of reputation as a cook in my house. This is the worst disaster ever in the kitchen for me.

Cooking Disaster: Khaman Dhokla
Cooking Disaster: Khaman Dhokla

I was trying to multitask, entertain the kid and make lunch as well. And I lost track of time, till I saw smoke coming out of the microwave. The wife burst out in anger, which quickly turned into laughter, when my 2-year-old daughter asked, “Papa, Ye Dhokla Tha?”

This wasn’t the second batch of Dhokla. My wife made the first ones, and my daughter knew what a Dhokla looked and tasted like. It was yummy. Unfortunately, I didn’t click a picture of it.

My marriage chronicles – 3 Months

That day, was as normal as any other day, or so I thought. Of-course I have heard about mood swings, and have experienced them myself, and have tolerated others’. But wives, are a different human species all-together. And I have learnt that after 3 months into my first marriage. Although, I had been warned about them before, the first hand experience always teaches you a lesson for life.

We were just having a casual talk. And slowly, the track was shifting towards scathing personal comments. Which, most of the time, I didn’t mind. This wasn’t that bad, but I took offence, and thought it would be funny to reply back and make an equally scathing PERSONAL comment.

We were in the lift, going back home after a little shopping.

She: You should exercise more.
Me: I already do that. 5 days a week, and that’s sufficient I think.
She: You are becoming an “Aloo (Potato)”.

That was it. That was a poke at the wrong place and time. I have good reflexes, and so without even thinking I blurted out.

Me: You have become a ladies finger.
That’s a nice comment with an atom bomb in disguise I thought.
She: Haha, I know. I have been losing weight all these days, and have become slim now.
Me: (With a grin and a triumpant smile) Ummm.. Have you seen them in a shop? They are always broken from everywhere. 

She: Grrrrr…. Wait…
She snatched the keys from my hand, opened the door and shut it on my face. And said:

“Go away. I am not allowing you into the house anymore.”

Me: It’s our house, don’t you remember?
Trying all I could to pacify her.

She: I gave the rent for this month. So, I have all the rights to throw you out.

I thought, she would calm down in a few minutes, so I went out and walked a bit. I was not really sure if she was serious or just joking with me. I was in a state of confusion. So, I updated my facebook status.

“Wife threw me out of the house. Wandering on the streets.”

I never thought, this post on facebook would be my most popular post of 2014 within just a few minutes.

After a few rounds of the city, I came back and knocked at my own door, with a plan to somehow find a roof over my head. The temperature outside was 30 degrees, and I had no idea what was the inside temperature. But, at-least I wouldn’t get a tan inside.

Knocked 10 times. No response. The only response, I got from her, was on Facebook. And that was:
“You deserve it”. 

And that comment of hers, beat the popularity of my post hands down.

Anyway, I told her, “I am thirsty“.

The door finally opened, and I saw her hand pushing a water bottle through the small gap. I tried to catch her hand, but she dropped the bottle, and shut the door.

I kept knocking, and knocking. The neighbors saw me walking back and forth in-front of my own house. They seemed confused. Thank God, I don’t yet have them on my friends list on Facebook.

After a few more minutes, she opened the door. I was alert, looking for a chance to run inside.

She: If you want to come in, make me feel special, praise me, and only then you get to enter the house.

Arrrghhhh!!! Not again…..

Me: You are my butter scotch, gulaab jamoon….
(All the sweet dishes that I could remember, although, the only thing I was thinking about was “Karela – Bitter Gourd”)

And then, Voila….. I was given a safe passage.

It’s that time of the year…

  1. When I keep falling sick.
  2. When the weather requests me to sleep longer.
  3. When my expenses are way ahead of my income.
  4. When the stupid box keeps telecasting the same old movies over and over again.
  5. When I don’t feel like working anymore.
  6. When I don’t feel like cleaning up my dusty room.
  7. When the weekends fly past before I have my quota of deep sleep.
  8. When my brain fails to reason.
  9. When the first tab that I open on my browser is “Google”.
  10. When the first thing I search in the newspaper is my horoscope.
  11. When I rejoice and celebrate on getting a call from an unknown number.
  12. When I doze off while watching movies at the theater.
And I desperately hope that these days go away soon. Waiting for the bright and sunny days ahead.

Coding Exercise: Am I engaged?

isSearchComplete = false;
while (!isSearchComplete) {
        if (isBeautiful(girlAtHand)) {
                isSearchComplete = true;
                exchangeRings();
                break;
        } else {
                girlAtHand = getNextGirl();
        }
}
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more_beautiful_girl_1
more_beautiful_girl_2
and intelligent too!!!
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exchangeRings();
isSearchComplete = false;

Hope, I don’t get killed after this…. 😀 😀 😀 😀 

A girl and a boy talk

She: Hey, why didn’t you go to the gym today?
He: Ah!! I tried very hard to wake up in the morning, but my eyes refused to co-operate.

She: This is not done. You know, I wish that my boy friend has a good body and looks muscular.
He: I try my best..and .. ..

She: Nothing doing. Do you feel that going to the gym is a burden for you everyday?
He: Sometimes. You know, working out alternate days is recommended by many people.
She: Look, I need my boy-friend to be fit and have a few muscles which he could use to scare away at-least 5 people.

He: Umm… Well, I also want my girl friend to be fitter, slimmer and healthier.

She: Ain’t I? I am already so lean and thin.

He: Haha, you need to cut off a few pounds here and there.

She: My work timings are so hectic. Ok. If you want, I can come with you to the gym in the mornings. Earlier the better.
He: Are you sure?
She: Of course. You want your girl to lose some weight, right?
He: Yeah, but..

She: Let’s go in the mornings. What time does the gym open?
He: 5 am

After a long pause…

She: We will discuss about this some other time. Got to sleep now. Good night. 🙂

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.